COME ON

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 04:52:22 GMT

i have never felt so lonely in my life before. never. i think i am just a stupid loner. i thought i can survive in school being a loner, but maybe i am not that tough. well, i think i can. just that this 4hour break is making me insane. i am hoping for np to resume their classes, and then i can probably hop in to enjoy more familiar vibe and humanity. i'm like a quiet, outcasted student who sits by herself. i dont mind that actually. its the 4hour break that is driving me to the verge of crying.

people always tell me i will have friends, somebody will come and talk to me. but if i aint talking, they wont too. i tried sittting next to girls who looked like they might respond back to me. but apparently, they are quite the opposite. either they ignore my existence, or they simply refuse to smile back. am i like a scary ghost or intimidating freak? i am starting to think i suck at making friends. i lose my friends along the way. i make new friends, but they seem to forget me as time goes. i tend to be forgotten.

crap. if i disappeared from this world, nobody would have taken notice. i am probably just a taken for granted kind of friend.

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 12:49:39 GMT

university of london, Bacheler in Economics.

it has been some time since i gave an entry. didnt really had the feel for diary-ing. well, i do now.

my first day at school today and i am already feeling very de-moralised. i dont know what to do. i feel worried, scared, stressed, anxious. the lessons today are really beyond what i expected. they are all taxing on me. its only the first lesson and i am feeling the pressure already. if i cant even grasp the first basic class, i dont know how am i going to build my understanding on the vague lectures. i am dead.

my first class was econometrics. the lecturer spoke with an accent, which didnt make the lesson any better. i tried very hard to recall on my previous exposure with statistics and math, but i just cant seem to catch up with the class. i feel very distant from the past studies and it made me feel bad about not remembering my work. now, theres only one way. i need to revise my things again, work extra hard for this degree. not knowing anyone from the course is making things even worse. i feel like a loner, studying with no company. although i think its totally fine, but having no friends can be really discouraging too. after the econometrics class, i went to meet ting to spend away the 4hours. the next class was macroecons and i thought maybe it might be more of a encouraging module.

i was wrong, macroeconomics wasnt the same macroecons i took during poly, neither was it near to the ones in bridging. it was really pounding on the basics of macroecons i took earlier, and the lecturer is expecting we all know our basics really well to understand what he is saying. he makes no allowance for us to step back and relook through the fundamentals. i seem to be pushed through all the information, without complete understanding of what has been taught. i an forced to hurry through the lessons without actually absorbing every details and explanations. ohman, i am really worried about the following days. i am so scared that all the other modules would be as bad as today's.

i hope i do well for this degree. bless me with some friends.

Tue, 26 May 2009 15:01:05 GMT

i am sick. i fell ill. how i wished i had raymond with me. i always wished he was with me when i was sick. i had to whine and nag so much before i get his attention. now that he is away, theres no way for me to get him right next to me now. i dont know what is he thinking about. i am confused. i am suddenly afraid of living life. i have insufficient money because i spent too much. shit. i hate it. ohmann.

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 16:37:08 GMT

oh, it has been so long since i updated. haha, during these few weeks, many things and activities went about. i shall report everything in short and simplified details. hahaha.

i had my best birthday. my boyfriend planned everything and filled me with loads of surprises. my birthday happened to fall on one of the days during our Grand Chalet. hahaha. so i had my friends celebrating the best birthday of my life, with the sparkle rockets going, popping sparkles, birthday cake with magic candles and a brand new IPOD as my birthday present! raymond surprised me with whatever he has done. i love him to bits.

then we had our 7days of Malaysia Getaway. haha. wow, i must say it was loads of fun! the7 days were packed with activities and events that kept us going. we travelled for a terrible long time of 10hours on coach to Marang where we were then supposed to switch to an hour of ferry into Redang. being sick the day before, my body reacted to the shaky boat ride. haha, i vomitted! ohman, i feel lousy at that moment. the first three days spent in redang was rather fun-filled. we played by the beach and sea, snorkled, ate and have fun in the night. we proceeded to Genting after leaving Redang. i must say i enjoyed the time in Genting most. i enjoyed the theme park rides, the time with baby and everybody else. finally, we travelled to KL. the main objective of going to KL was to visit Zouk. it was my first time going to a club. the place was smoky with pounding music. flooded by people, everybody was drinking and dancing.

now that i am back, i feel a little weird. like suddenly, i have nothing to do. haha.
but i know i love my boyfriend. more!

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 06:15:07 GMT

cable skiing was fantastic! a pity that i couldnt do wakeboarding, unlike the rest. i could only enjoy the thrill of knee-boarding. it was a fun experience! we should go again. haha, although its super exhausting after all the pulling and skiing.

alright, pictures!

thats my boy with super power who managed to play kneeboarding and wakebaording!

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 13:54:48 GMT

exams are over! and i am bumming around.
haha, hopefully i pass all my papers.

i did even more shopping now that exams are over. ohmyy, haha. horrible. many events are coming up too. the batam water-skiing trip, redang trip, chalet and maybe an overseas trip with samie and jojo! heee.

i dont know what to update about actually. life is normal, plain and simple. haha. slackkk.

Sat, 07 Feb 2009 15:53:39 GMT

exams are coming but i am not studying yet. ohmy, its my last semester. i must fight! instead, i keep surfing net, browsing through the same old online shopping websites, watching tv and slacking away. ^%$_#%^_!@)^%#*

lunar new year is ending soon. haha, in twenty more days, we'll be graduating. isnt that fast? for those on attachment, they have technically completed their course of studying on friday. i need to work hard for the last semester, apply for university entrance and start planning my future path. aiyoyo, i need to buck up, stop slacking, stop the holiday mood from eating up all my time with actual schoolwork.

i have been doing terribly load of shopping recently. ironically, i still think i have insufficient clothes. i have to stop this horrible addiction. haha, almost all my money is invested towards the retail sector. i should save up some money for the trip with my friends after graduation.

i miss the old times. but it seems like people will draw themselves away when there are more happenings in life. i dont know how to explain, but i dont feel good.

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 13:40:32 GMT

oh great! my laptop is functioning again! thank god i didnt have to lose the laptop. i felt so relieved when acer prompted me for collection, repaired my faulty old laptop and changed the things inside! hee, although i dont have microsoft, i have all the other things properly installed. haha. yay. i downloaded the new messenger. it isnt as good as the previous one. perhaps its not really my comfort zone.

my mum is fixing this and that, making this and that. haha, i only helped her with the fan, and the areas that i always mess up. hahaha. this new year feels quite different from the usual years. for the past 19 years, i have always celebrated new year with my grandma. we will pack and clean up the house together. on the day of eve, we'll have reunion dinner together where i will always ask her about the meaning behind each dish on the table. after the dinner, we'll decorate the house, display all our cookies and then sit down togther to watch the countdown show on tv. on the first day of new year, mummy will wake me up to bathe and get ready for visiting. we only do visiting to three places i think, haha, because my grandma was the eldest. after we wash up, we'll wish her a happy new year and then head down to my grandauntie's place to pay respect to our granduncle in heaven. next, all our relatives will start coming over to our house. mummy will prepare lunch and dinner for everyone. wooo, i love celebrating new year, with grandma. although its going to be different from now, i still think of her being present. shes like at this faraway place where we dont get to see her. but her presence is always there, i feel her everywhere. i'll talk to her whenever i miss her. haha, i love her.

happy lunar new year everyone.

Sun, 18 Jan 2009 07:57:01 GMT

lunar new year is coming. have you bought new year cookies, decorations, new clothes and new shoes?

it was a busy week for most of us last week. we had to rushed out reports and projects, presentations and tutorials. luckily we are left with Claw presentation, Marketing and one last AFA presentation. in another month or so, we'll be having our final exam. in no time, we're all graduating! alot of us are turning 21.

its such a boring day today. sunday sucks. tmr's napfa day. i bet i am going to fail my 2.4km run.

Melaka and 2 Christmas Dinners

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 16:01:31 GMT

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 15:01:42 GMT

Merry Christmas (:

i am pondering about alot of things. what will you do when you lose your phone? call your phone, make a police report, message your number and ask the person who picked up your phone to return you, let it go, call the subcriber to cancel your line, do nothing? what is the biggest concern when you lose your phone? losing all your contacts, unable to msg anyone, answering to your parents, buying a new phone, afraid of unauthorised usage of your phone by others?

what do i want exactly. am i being fair and treating my loved ones appropriately? was i expecting too much? could i have been better, more understanding? disappointments always make me go crazy. i can control myself to accomodate for sometime. but i fail to prolong my magnanimousity. i suck at being a good girl. i need self-reflection.

i was feeling lonely even though all of us were at home today because of christmas. despite making pineapple tarts with 5 other family members and loads of laughter, i felt sad inside. although i laughed or smiled along with their jokes, it didnt feel real. it wasnt genuine happiness or joy. maybe i was too dependent on my phone or just because i kept thinking about issues going on in my mind. its christmas! but christmas should be just an usual day for me since i dont actually celebrate it. why are humans like that? when we are not in a specific position, we dont expect things out from it. but when we are, we expect a return. does this happen only to me? because it seems like i am the petty one. shit.

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 11:18:47 GMT

photo time!

it has been rather long since i went back to sentosa. actually i kind of miss working at sentosa, particularly palawan. reaching vivo and taking the lift to level3 where the express is. i'll tap my staff pass on the reader and enter the station. my staff pass would occasionally give me problems when i am tapping out of the station. with my ipod still playing, i'll walk on the usual path to reach palawan from beach station. sometimes i need to run when i am late! haha. after punching my card and changing into my uniform, i'll sign my attendance and start the day off! usually i will talk to the others while i change into my shoes. everybody knows i always put some powder onto my feet before i wear my socks and shoes. thats to prevent sweat, reduce heat retention and also keep the feet fresh! haha, i think my bottle of baby powder is still in the shop. most of the girls are using my powder after i told them the good thing about putting powder before we wear our shoes. hehe. in the night, i'll usually be doing closing. it feels really strange if i didnt do closing. azni and i always like to do closing. if we werent allocated the closing shift, we'll be feeling we missed something. as if we forgotten to do something before leaving the shop.

at time, we get really nice guests. sometimes, we get praised for the service we rendered. everytime a guest thank me for my service, i'll be feeling really happy. it feels really nice when the guest is accepting all my suggestions with a smile and appreciating my effort by thanking me. one of the happiest times i had was when a guests told me 'thanks, thanks alot, its excellent service here!' on that day, i was alone in Hub3 and it just suddenly got really busy when i felt a little helpless. i could at most attend to 3 guests. the guests who expressed her appreciation. most of the time, i'll be really delighted when the guest calls out my name and thank me. i guess thats what make most of the people in the service industry happy. thats what we long for, knowing we manage to address our guests' needs and being appreciated.

i feel like attending the christmas party though. haha, it's the theme of fairy tale this time! last year, it was the Country's theme. Palawan chose Hawaii and we dressed up with beachskirts and casual tanktops. i still remembered liyana clarice and me had to dance for the night as our performance. maybe i'll go back and work after i graduate. i am starting to miss every single thing about sentosa as i type along.

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 16:04:01 GMT

the sickness wont go away. i felt cold and chilly again this evening after coming home from the library. common test is coming and i am really afraid i wont get better with the cough and fever. actually the cough is okay now, but i still keep having chilly times and headches. ohman, please let me get well soon.

quite alot of things have been going through my mind lately. but i am going to concentrate and focus my attention onto the upcoming common test. i am having 5 papers! 3 papers being theoretical man. ohmyyy, haha. Auditing2, Company Law and Marketing. good luck to meee. hahaha. i have no confidence in audit at all. from yesterday, i have been reading and crafting out my notes on audit. i help this will work for me. audit hasnt been my forte and i think it never will.

this makes me come to the point of talents. we always say everyone has their own unique talents. whenever the saying comes through to me, i will wonder and realise that i actually havent got any special talent! ohmann, haha serious i dont possess any significant unique talents or strength in a certain field. and i start wondering, will guys get turned-off by girls like me who does not have any talent or forte? haha, save meee.

alvin booked a tioman trip this upcoming holiday. wooo, i am going! i think i made too fast a decision, but tioman is really not a bad place to go with your friends. haha, when i asked my mum, her first response to my request was 'bo liao ar!' precisely because i had nothing much to do except the piling projects to be completed during the holidays that i decided to go venture tioman with alvin! haha, i can go and relax chill and enjoy my time with them. making use of the opportunity to know each other more. hehe. aiyaa, anyway tioman is really too nice a place to be missed. haha! alluring beach and super laid-back environment that is soooo different from singapore. it's a good runaway place!

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 07:24:32 GMT

i dont feel good when i am sick.
i am all alone in the house. i feel like going out, but i am afraid the fever will worsen again like yesterday. i am getting bored and really restless.

theres a chinese saying - 一山还有一山高. jojo said, there'll always be someone better if you really want to compare. haha, yalor, its really true. there'll always be never-ending competition going on. the best way is to avoid any competition. everyone is special and unique in a way. we dont have to compare ourselves to other people. yeaaaa.!

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:02:59 GMT

ohman, the cold is not getting away. its getting worse! i feel more and more sick. i'm covered with a thick blanket in my thick hoodie but i am still feeling chilly. i think its going to turn feverish soon.

mummy is cooking something really delicious now. the smell coming from the kitchen is so tasteful. omg. hahah, too bad i got no appetitie. the weeks in school seem to be zooming pass like nobody's business. in less than 2 weeks, we'll be taking our common tests already. i am totally not prepared at all yet! hahah, dieee.

anyway, its nearing the end of year. haha, christmas will be coming, then new year day. and than, Lunar New Year! hahha, you know what i want to sell. PINEAPPLE TARTS again! everything will be as usual. but, i think we are going to increase the price of the pineapple tarts a little. i dont want to lie that the price is unaffected by the financial crisis now. lol! so, the usual price of $13 per bottle may go up to $13.50 or $14. i will update again once i confirmed! hahah. other than the original pineapple tarts, we are introducing a new recipe, the CHEESE Pineapple tarts. hahahha. the tarts are not filled with cheese, dont worry. the cheese flakes are spread on top of the pineapple tart crust. i tasted it, its nice! haha unique flavouring in the market. you can always get a sample if you are doubtful. hahaha. the cheese pineapple tarts will actually be more costly than the original tarts. haha, i'll update on the price again.

lol, they are nice.

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 14:17:46 GMT

haha i like the change of voice when i get sore throat and catch a cold.

school has been the same. i think things are going on track slowly. haha, i am getting bloated stomach every morning these days. oh. lately, my primary school mates have been planning a lot of gatherings. it started off with the pasar malam night out with peiwen, jess and jiakang. haha, then jiakang began creating a facebook group for the batch of primary school people. he got really enthusiastic and even planned quite alot of gatherings subsequent to the pasar malam night. haha, it feels nice meeting up with the mates we used to play with when we were young.

for most of us, it has been 7 years since we last met! i feel quite guilty when some of the primary school peeps remember me, but i cannot recall on who they are! ohman, i wished i was in another class. alot of them have made comments that they didnt know people from the EM1 stream. actually its quite expected because during that year when we were primary 6, the teachers decided to combine all the EM1 people in one class instead of two classes. to accommodate the population of 50 students, they gave us the supposed facility room that was twice the size of a normal classroom and air-conditioned. the location of the class was rather far from the normal classroom blocks and it made us miss out on all the happening things that went around the other classes. i guess the people from 6-1 knew were exposed to lesser students thats why.

haha, everybody became so good-looking after so many years. nobody changed drastically. maybe because of maturity, it made me feel very comforted and happy about the connection with them. it was really fun to talk back about the past and laugh at out childishness. arr, hopefully we can have a successful bbq and also an oversea tour if possible! haha.

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 07:36:58 GMT

ourspace. haha it can be considered my first time sitting in the new space created for students last year. this place is rather cool, loads of pretty girls to look out for. haha, guys should spend more time at ourspace to meet more girls. hahaha. although people can get really rowdy sometimes. haha, i saw the guy i always will in school and in sentosa. hahah, i see him like everyday, but i realise theres this very hot lady thats always with them. i wonder if thats his girlfriend? haha.

there're lesser online spree going on now that the financial crisis is hitting like everyone. haha, the exchange rate for US has been rising. it used to be SGD$1 : USD$1.35. but now, it has risen to SGD$1 : USD$1.53. reverse the two decimels! hahaha, i think its more worth it to spree for UK, AUstralian and Canadian products now that the rates have changed quite alot.

i failed my audit quiz just now. haha i got 14/30! ohman, haha what a lousy score i got. i think i wont be doing well in audit. its not something i enjoy doing and most importantly, i dont quite understand the many reasonings and rationales behind so the multiple procedures and plannings. i have 1 more module that requires heavy writing as compared to all my other friends, and its marketing. i have Principles of Marketing, Company Law and Auditing2 which are very much theory-based. other than that, it's Advanced Financial Accounting and Taxation2. i hope i can master the art of fast-scribling for the exam papers. haha.

i havent been spending much lately. after quitting the job, mummy offered to give me a weekly allowance of $50. so now, i get $50 from my mum on every monday and i have been spending at most $3 everyday. i'll bring one apple to school everyday, buy one $1 pancake for breakfast, and lunch will usually be dependent on whether i have a later class or whether i have friends to eat with. if not, i'll most probably head home, or just grab another snack thats less than $2. in the past, i would spend at least $5, and it goes as much as $10 just by being in school. if i were to go out after that, i'll be throwing out even more money for entertainment expenses. for the past 2weeks, i managed to save $50 from the allowances that my mum gave me everyweek. this is actually quite a good thing. i hope i can sustain this and hopefully turn this into a routine of my life. if it really becomes part of me, i can really save alot. yay! being with jojo cuts down alot of my expenses too, thankyou jojo!

stupid NPnet disrupted my posting of entry. haha, luckily livejournal automatically saves our entry when we are in the process of typing.

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 02:21:41 GMT

i dont really like posting pictures actually, haha. takes a long time!
haha, but nevermind, i shall do it since i am up. haha.

these are pictures for meiling's nightout with the palawan girls!

now for some wedding dinner photos. haha

haha, it was a humble dinner.

BBQ night for Gaffar who came back from Holland!

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 14:01:25 GMT

oh yea, its the same old thing when school starts. we'll want to see our friends, meet the new people in class, eat lunch and catch up with one another's life, watch movie after classes that end early.

i enjoy waiting for one another at canteen 1, sitting at the table near the sushi stall and eat breakfast. walking to the lecture hall together after we finished eating, snacking again during the 5 or 10 minutes break during lecture. haha, these are such great habits. drinking bubble tea, eating sandwich from atrium, drinking teh-peng, eating bao. haha.

but i have been really tired having to work after classes. i dont know how i did it in the past. i would get down to sentosa and work after classes that ended at 1pm. i dont remember feeling as tired as i am now. yesterday was such a restless day for me. maybe partly because i cycled here and there, relieved lunch at two places and moved around alot. joshua is coming down to take charge of the beach. i am so turned off whenever i recall of that. i want meiling. she's going up to the shop at Images of Singapore and i really hate that decision of sharren. meiling was the one who moulded palawan and made it run so well. joshua is new and he should be put to training at IOS instead of taking charge of the beach shops. its a girl environment! ohman, i grumble so much!

haha, i dont really like my class. but i dont really care la, at least i have jojo. i miss shufang and peishan. i am jealous that they are so close. haha, so silly of me to be feeling jealous of my friends at this age. i wish i was in the same class as all of them, but i really didnt like MA2. everything seemed to change after attachment started. i spend my thursday last week with jingting and it really made me miss the old times. oh man, chewie bin alvin i miss all of them.

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 11:50:28 GMT

ohman, i practically did nothing today. i have been working most of my days. i am beginning to lose interest with online shopping. i am getting paranoid whenever i am alone and having nothing to do! good thing school is starting in a week. although i am not sharing any classes with peishan shufang yongshun jiale and guys, i am hoping to see them and have lunch or hang out together after school.

i am feeling so bored. i had a nap earlier and i felt so sick when i woke up from it. like i can vomit and cry any moment. i finally got to sleep for long today. i woke up in the afternoon at around 1230. for the past 7 months beginning march, my waking time ranges from as early as 5am to 10am latest. internship, work, shop meetings, flight to taiwan, days in taiwan, stocktake. oh man, i am just realising how tired i am. i planned to work lesser next week, but i was too worried for meiling that she will not be having enough staff that i decided to let her arrange my schedule according to how she needs my help. it's going back to basics for meiling when school starts for all of us. one person open shop, another one comes to relieve lunch and these two will close the shop on weekdays.

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 17:28:44 GMT

my laptop is spoilt! haha, the bottom half of my monitor screen is totally blank. this is bad, ohnooo. my laptop seems to spoil everytime before school is about to start. @#^%$&~@#%_^)%#@*_&

i had my first stock take on wednesday, it was a totally energy-drainer. haha, sucked off 80% of my power. i am so exhausted right now from all the work in sentosa. i think i need to take some break after hari raya! haha. school is starting soon too! oh yay, i really cant wait.

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 16:19:59 GMT

i really wish that school is re-opening next week, or even tmr. i cant wait to go back and study! working at sentosa has been great, but it has been really draining. it's using up all my energy. it's such a routine life. either i'm working or i'm at home slacking. i feel so bored of my days. the only thing that makes everyday different is the different guests i meet and different duties that i was suppose to perform. and when i'm at home, i'll just be on the computer and watching youtube or playing jigsaw. so boring! its getting so boring that i really run out of interesting things to post about. i beg your pardon if this post was a total bore. hahaha.

arr, we chose our classes and IS modules. haha, i am quite a solo walker next semester. i took marketing that was not the same as to what peishan shufang jiale and yongshun chose. then my IS, i took customer service. haha, peishan and shufang chose human communication. at first i was thinking of that, but i guess customer service was more of a specific and relevant skill that i thought i would relate to.

oh alright, i am going to bed. my consecutive days of work starts tomorrow! ohmannnn.

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 15:11:13 GMT

ar man, how long have i not updated.

i came back from taiwan last weekend. it was a great trip putting aside my aunt's 'auntie-ness'. the greatest advice of all times, Never ever travel with aunties with attitude. lol, it becomes horrible even though you are too busy with the being happy to be bothered. it disrupts your enjoyment! they dont eat the specialities of taiwan, complains when the place requires some walking, grumbles when the weather is sunny and warm.

i want to load up the photos to show all of you, but they need so much time and effort. i am really lazy. but's i'll still put some highlights up. haha, the next time you go taiwan, do go visit these places! dont do silly things like skipping the once-in-a-lifetime experience. eat the things you dont get to eat in singapore.try everything you think is interesting. open up your mind man, dont be like aunties! hahaha. i have been working at sentosa again. yeaa, same old thing. how are all of my friends doing?

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 15:31:34 GMT

already, august is ending. 6 more weeks before school re-opens!

oh wow, most of my friends have graduated from the theory part of their poly days. i am going to take up one last semester. it's time for me to seriously think of what path i want to take after poly. i doubt my result permits me into an University. perhaps an ACCA? NIE? i wished i was rich, i would have gone overseas. but again, i dont want to be separated from my family for so long. haha, aiyoyo.

everyday has been practically of a same routine, so much so that i dont have much interesting stuff to share. haha, although it's still about work, this is a different experience. i enjoy the days in sentosa. so relaxed, no politics, no pressure, meeting people, freedom to talk and laugh. sentosa is cool. but i just realised, some of us just hates sentosa. i didnt know the appreciation was so low. sentosa is just an island, away from the fast-paced and busy streets of singapore. its that simple piece of land for us to lay back and relax. nothing much fanciful, just cool beaches and some intended attractions and activities for tourists and adventure-seekers. just chill and have fun.

it gets really frustrating when it rains though! lol.

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 14:18:18 GMT

hey chewie peishan alvin and bin!